Norway Faces Unprecedented Parliamentary Challenge: Complete Lack of Problems to Debate
OSLO, NORWAY – In an unprecedented diplomatic crisis, Norwegian officials announced yesterday that they have inadvertently resolved all major domestic and international issues facing their nation, leaving parliament with nothing to argue about and threatening the very foundation of democratic government. The crisis began when Norway’s final remaining social problem – insufficient bicycle parking in […]
Hollywood Studios Announce Radical Shift: Story-First Film Development Model
HOLLYWOOD – In a shocking revelation that has sent shockwaves through the entertainment industry, major studio executives announced yesterday they have been approaching film production entirely wrong by starting with marketing campaigns instead of actual plots. The discovery emerged during a routine development meeting when someone accidentally asked “what happens in this movie?” and realized […]
NFL Announces Revolutionary New Strategy: Actually Playing Games to Determine Winners
NEW YORK – In a surprising departure from traditional preseason operations, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell announced yesterday that the league will experiment with a radical new concept called “competitive football” where game outcomes will be determined by athletic performance rather than ticket sales projections. The groundbreaking initiative emerged after multiple teams reportedly spent more on […]
Federal Reserve Chairman Seeks Additional Economic Advisory Support Amid Policy Complexity
WASHINGTON, DC – In an unprecedented display of honesty that shocked economists worldwide, Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell announced during yesterday’s emergency press conference that the central bank would like to formally request “someone who actually understands money” to help with monetary policy decisions. The admission came after weeks of intense pressure from the Trump […]