Tennis Fans Prepare for Emotional Déjà Vu as Osaka-Gauff Rematch Promises More Crying Than a Hallmark Movie Marathon
US Open organizers stock up on tissues as 2019’s most viral tennis moment prepares for an encore performance
*New York, NY – In what sports psychologists are ca…
Homeland Security Secretary Discovers She Has Superpowers: Can See Alternate Timelines Where Cities Burn
Kristi Noem reveals previously unknown ability to perceive parallel universes where federal troops are the only thing standing between civilization and chaos
*W…
Meta’s AI Dating Service: When Technology Gets a Little Too Friendly
Company’s unauthorized celebrity chatbots prove that artificial intelligence can be artificially inappropriate
*Menlo Park, CA – In a groundbreaking achievement…
Apple’s Masterclass in Coincidental Timing: MacBooks Declared “Obsolete” Days Before New Event
In a shocking turn of events that no one could have possibly predicted, Apple demonstrates once again that their calendar management skills are purely accidenta…
White House Sources Address Viral Photos Showing President’s Hand Discoloration
WASHINGTON — After viral photographs showing President Donald Trump’s severely bruised and discolored hand sparked widespread speculation about his health, White House sources have provided an exclusive account of the incident that occurred during what officials are calling a “routine dietary consultation session” last Tuesday evening. According to three administration officials who spoke on condition […]
Disney Unveils Ambitious Franchise Strategy Extending Legacy Properties Through 2030
BURBANK, CA – In a groundbreaking presentation at the D23 Entertainment Showcase, Walt Disney Studios revealed their innovative approach to storytelling that industry experts are calling “the most efficiently repetitive creative process ever conceived.” The centerpiece of the announcement was “Toy Story 5,” scheduled for June 19, 2026, which will mark the franchise’s bold exploration […]