**TAMPA, FL** — President Donald Trump expressed genuine bewilderment Thursday after a federal judge dismissed his $15 billion defamation lawsuit against The New York Times for violating basic court procedures, sources report the commander-in-chief was “visibly confused” by the concept that even presidents must follow filing requirements.
“I thought when you sue fake news, you can write however much you want,” Trump said during an impromptu press conference held in what appeared to be a library decorated with legally-themed motivational posters from the 1980s. “Like, if I declare the New York Times fake, then I can write 85 pages about how fake they are. It’s simple lawsuit math.”
U.S. District Judge Steven Merryday ruled Friday that Trump’s lawsuit against the Times and Penguin Random House was “decidedly improper and impermissible” under federal court rules, noting that legal complaints should be “short, plain, and direct” rather than resembling “a manifesto about media grievances.”
Trump immediately took to Truth Social to express his displeasure with what he called the court’s “Highly Partisan” interpretation of basic legal procedure.
“LAWSUIT IS STILL VALID!” Trump posted in characteristic all-caps, apparently believing that typing in large letters overrides federal court dismissals.
White House Press Secretary Sarah Matthews attempted to clarify the administration’s position during Friday’s briefing, explaining that Trump’s understanding of legal procedure derives from “a very creative reading of both court rules and several John Grisham novels.”
The lawsuit specifically accused the Times of being a “mouthpiece” for the Democratic Party and spreading “false and defamatory content,” while demanding $15 billion in damages for what Trump characterized as “the worst journalism in the History of our Country.”
Legal scholars noted the unusual spectacle of a president claiming surprise that courts expect procedural compliance during defamation lawsuits targeting the press.
The court’s decision particularly criticized Trump’s 85-page complaint for exceeding reasonable length limits, noting that federal rules require concise legal claims, not “whatever grievances happen to be annoying the president that week.”
When asked to define what constitutes defamation, White House Counsel reportedly consulted a magic 8-ball before declaring that “all journalism is potentially defamatory if you think about it defamatorily enough.”
Trump’s legal team indicated they will refile the lawsuit with proper formatting, though sources suggest they’re struggling to condense Trump’s media complaints into the court-required format.
The dismissed lawsuit was part of Trump’s broader campaign against news organizations, which includes a $10 billion lawsuit against The Wall Street Journal for reporting that allegedly linked him to Jeffrey Epstein.
Media law experts noted the irony of a president who campaigned against “radical left media” experiencing difficulty with the procedural requirements necessary to challenge that same media in court.
The case highlighted what researchers call “litigation confusion” — the phenomenon of powerful figures assuming that filing lawsuits requires no knowledge of actual legal procedures.
When asked whether future press-related lawsuits might benefit from following established court rules, several White House officials looked genuinely confused by the concept of procedural compliance.
Judge Merryday’s dismissal noted that while Trump could refile the lawsuit properly, the current version failed to meet “the most basic standards of federal court procedure,” suggesting the president’s legal team might benefit from reviewing introductory law textbooks.
Trump has indicated he will appeal to the Supreme Court, where sources say he hopes the justices will be “less partisan about following rules” than the district court judge.
The New York Times could not be reached for comment, as they were reportedly busy practicing what Trump characterized as “continuing to exist despite presidential disapproval.”