WASHINGTON – Following Thursday’s indictment of former FBI Director James Comey on charges of making false statements to Congress and obstruction, regional FBI offices report critically low supplies of sticky notes traditionally used for ‘reminder memos.’
Sources within the Bureau indicate that yellow 3×3 inch Post-Its bearing messages such as “Don’t lie to Congress,” “Check statute of limitations calendar,” and “Remember: Truth is important” have been depleted at an alarming rate.
The FBI’s purchasing department issued an emergency procurement request after discovering agents had been writing crucial reminders on napkins, old parking tickets, and the backs of wanted posters.
“We’ve had to get creative,” explained one anonymous agent. “Yesterday I wrote ‘Verify facts before testimony’ on a coffee-stained evidence bag. It’s not ideal, but we’re making do.”
The timing couldn’t be worse, as the indictment came just days before the statute of limitations was set to expire, and less than a week after President Trump installed his personal lawyer as U.S. Attorney.
Hardware stores within a 50-mile radius of FBI headquarters report unusual bulk purchases of office supplies by individuals in dark suits and sunglasses.
“One gentleman bought our entire inventory of yellow sticky notes,” said Office Depot manager Karen Hernandez. “He paid in cash and kept muttering something about ‘institutional memory’ and ‘covering our bases.'”
The Bureau has yet to comment officially, though a spokesperson did confirm they are “exploring alternative reminder methodologies” and “remain committed to the highest standards of Congressional interaction.”
In related news, sales of “Introduction to Congressional Testimony” books have reportedly spiked 300% on Amazon.