TEL AVIV – Following Microsoft’s decision to bar Israeli military access to cloud computing surveillance technology, defense officials report a sudden surge in demand for physical filing cabinets, manila folders, and stenographers capable of shorthand.
“We’re going old school,” explained Israeli Defense Forces spokesperson Colonel Sarah Goldstein, standing next to a newly-delivered shipment of metal filing cabinets. “Who needs algorithmic data analysis when you have color-coded index cards and really good handwriting?”
The transition has sparked an unexpected economic boom in analog office supplies across the region. Office Depot locations have sold out of typewriter ribbons, carbon paper, and those little tabs for organizing files alphabetically.
Military intelligence officers, previously accustomed to AI-powered surveillance algorithms, have been issued magnifying glasses and highlighter pens. Training sessions now include “Basic Filing 101” and “Advanced Paperclip Usage in National Security Contexts.”
The situation became more complex when officials realized they needed physical maps, having relied on digital satellite imagery for decades. Local cartographers report emergency orders for hand-drawn reconnaissance charts and pencil erasers rated for “classified-level corrections.”
Microsoft’s cloud computing ban has also forced creative solutions:
- Surveillance photos now developed at one-hour photo shops
- Intelligence reports typed on manual typewriters borrowed from museums
- Strategic planning conducted using whiteboards and sticky notes
- Urgent communications via carrier pigeon (backup system only)
The nostalgia hasn’t been entirely unwelcome. Lieutenant Colonel David Avidan noted, “There’s something refreshing about the tactile experience of physically filing surveillance data. Plus, these filing cabinets double as defensive barriers during office meetings.”
Local activists praised Microsoft’s move as “insufficient” but acknowledged it has created jobs for filing clerks, typewriter repair technicians, and professional hole-punch operators.
In response, the Israeli tech sector has announced development of “Physical Cloud Computing” – essentially very large filing rooms with rolling ladders and extensive cross-referencing systems.
Staples stock reportedly surged 23% after news of the military’s bulk office supply purchases.