PORTLAND, OR – James Morrison, head chef at upscale gastropub “Foraged & Found,” has reportedly made what he calls “the culinary discovery of the century” after learning that salt can be used to enhance the flavor of food.
“I was experimenting with my signature deconstructed kale salad when I accidentally knocked over this white crystalline substance,” Morrison explained to a packed room of food bloggers. “I thought it was cocaine at first, which would have been totally on-brand for Portland, but then I tasted it and realized it was something even more powerful.”
The 28-year-old chef, who has built his reputation on $47 plates of “authentically foraged” dandelions, claims the discovery came to him during what he describes as a “flavor vision quest.”
“Salt – or as I prefer to call it, ‘Ocean Crystals’ – has completely transformed my understanding of taste,” Morrison said while adjusting his handlebar mustache. “I’ve been charging people $35 for unseasoned vegetables this whole time when I could have been charging $50 for properly seasoned unseasoned vegetables.”
The restaurant has already updated its menu to reflect Morrison’s breakthrough, with dishes like “Himalayan Crystal-Enhanced Microgreens” ($52) and “Sea Salt Awakening Bowl with Consciousness-Raising Quinoa” ($48).
Food critic Sarah Chen attended Morrison’s “Salt Revelation Tasting Experience” and reported mixed feelings about the $200 seven-course meal.
“It was… salty,” Chen wrote in her review. “Like, really salty. I think he might have overcorrected.”
Morrison’s business partner, Travis Henderson, confirmed that the restaurant’s salt budget has increased by 4,000% since the discovery.
“James has been seasoning everything with what he calls ‘artisanal intensity,’” Henderson said. “Yesterday’s soup was basically ocean water with croutons floating in it. Three customers asked if we were trying to preserve them for winter.”
Despite the mixed reviews, Morrison remains confident in his culinary revolution and has announced plans to explore other “hidden flavor enhancers” like pepper, garlic, and something called “herbs.”
“This is just the beginning,” Morrison declared while sprinkling coarse sea salt directly onto his tongue. “Next week, I’m investigating reports of a mysterious substance called ‘butter’ that supposedly makes things taste better. The culinary world isn’t ready for what’s coming.”
Foraged & Found has seen a 200% increase in reservations since Morrison’s salt announcement, though customer retention has reportedly dropped to near-zero levels.