NEW YORK – In a surprising departure from traditional preseason operations, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell announced yesterday that the league will experiment with a radical new concept called “competitive football” where game outcomes will be determined by athletic performance rather than ticket sales projections.
The groundbreaking initiative emerged after multiple teams reportedly spent more on promotional halftime shows than player salaries, leading officials to question whether anyone was actually watching the sport being played.
“We’ve been thinking about this backwards,” Goodell explained during a press conference held at what appeared to be a marketing conference. “Instead of manufacturing excitement through celebrity appearances and social media campaigns, what if we just made the games themselves exciting?”
The pilot program will begin during Week 3 of the preseason, with select games featuring experimental elements such as “score-based victories” and “performance-dependent playing time” where better players actually play more minutes.
Early player response has been overwhelmingly positive, with several veterans expressing surprise that their athletic ability might factor into their employment status. “This could really change things,” said Miami Dolphins running back De’Von Achane. “I’ve been practicing actual football skills all summer, just in case.”
The NFL Players Association has cautiously endorsed the initiative while expressing concern that competitive games might interfere with players’ offseason podcast schedules and cryptocurrency endorsement commitments.
Television networks have responded with mixed enthusiasm, with ESPN reportedly requesting advance notice of any “accidentally entertaining” games so they can adjust their commentary accordingly.
Season ticket holders remain skeptical, with many questioning whether competitive football will provide the same social media opportunities as traditional outcome-predetermined entertainment spectacles.