NEW YORK – United Nations translators worked overtime Thursday attempting to render President Trump’s climate change presentation into the organization’s six official languages, with several requiring emergency stress leave.
The 47-slide PowerPoint, titled “The Greatest Con Job Ever: A Multimedia Experience,” allegedly included interpretive dance, magic tricks, and a weather balloon demonstration that required evacuation of the first three rows.
Swedish delegate Greta Lindqvist was heard asking, “Is this performance art or policy?” after Trump’s presentation featured what witnesses described as “jazz hands during slide seventeen about polar ice caps.”
The confusion deepened when Trump unveiled a foam board chart titled “Climate Science vs. My Gut Feelings,” complete with hand-drawn graphs in Sharpie marker. UN Protocol Chief Ambassador Rivera confirmed they had no established procedures for “interpretive climate denial through modern dance.”
Highlights from the presentation reportedly included:
- A magic trick where Trump made a thermometer “disappear” behind his ear
- Audience participation involving paper airplane flights to demonstrate “how wind really works”
- A slide show of “happy polar bears” set to Kenny G saxophone music
- Live demonstration of “snow angel making” using artificial snow
French Ambassador Claire Dubois required medical attention after Trump’s recreation of glacier movement using mime techniques lasted fourteen minutes without verbal explanation.
The presentation concluded with Trump releasing helium balloons to “prove gravity works better than climate science,” causing a twenty-minute delay while maintenance removed them from the Assembly Hall’s ceiling fixtures.
UN Secretary-General António Guterres diplomatically described the presentation as “unprecedented in its creative approach to scientific discourse.”
Several delegates were reportedly seen googling “how to request asylum from PowerPoint presentations” during the coffee break.
The weather balloon used in the demonstration was later found three blocks away, still tied to a hot dog cart.